Author Archive
Whose responsible for whose feelings?
In some circles you’ll hear ‘I am not responsible for how you feel’. In a relationship we are straddling the truth that ‘how I feel and react is my business and says more about me than you and is my responsibility to take care of’ AND ‘the things that you do or don’t do, say [...]
When you want to help
There are times when there is someone I know and I want to help them. That’s a tricky place to be in. Do you have a partner (or a family member) who is in some sort of emotional pain, that seems to not be directly to do with you? Perhaps they are feeling upset, depressed, [...]
Creative relationships
Ever have a really good look at how anger effects your relationship? When someone is angry, to some degree there are usually thoughts about “I am right, better than, have the answer.” “Or they shouldn’t/ should …”. Or similar … this thinking blocks creativity and it often blocks understanding and effective action. Most of us [...]
Create miracles
The willingness to love – to regard each other as equals – is the essence behind all miracle making. Paul Ferrini “It’s so easy, why can’t you just do it?” he says exasperatedly. Implied is “you should be able to do this’. This resentful expression of what is important to him, is very hard [...]
What shapes a relationship?
“I’ve have never heard that before. I had no idea you felt so alone and shut off, now I understand that what you need is to know you are truly loved and accepted, just as you are. I always thought you were angry with me”. – she said “When I hear you saying how desperately [...]
Spinning in a positive direction
Last blog I wrote about how we get into negative or destructive cycles and these are the apparent undoing of our connection. This time I want to let you in on a secret when it comes to de-powering, unfolding and putting away the destructive cycle. Usually emotions run strong in us and between us, until [...]
Emotional bombs and numbing
Such a scary topic and yet I am guessing that you will know exactly the kind of sensation I am referring to. When something happens (maybe you don’t even know exactly what, at least not initially) and all of a sudden you are in free fall – angry, upset, hurt, scared or shell shocked. And [...]
Only love turns things around.
Today in the USA and no doubt elsewhere there are people celebrating the killing of Osama Bin Laden. This sort of action and any act we take from fear, revenge and guilt is not the source of new, better and stronger community and society. That’s my view and I like the way Dr. Martin Luther [...]
Healthy togetherness
It’s much more than an idea, it is a something we sense (or don’t sense) internally. We thrive on it and experience it when we are involved with each other’s lives; when the other person is interested in us in a way that is free of blame, judgment and or assumptions. In togetherness there is [...]
Flashpoints – what to do?
“What can I do when I hit one of those flashpoints and lose it?” asked Pete*, a young father recently. It could easily also have been a woman in a 20 year relationship referring to herself with regard to her husband.. we have all experienced the zzzzzt of primal deep emotions bursting out. Your internal [...]
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